this is so brilliant! I relate to so much of this myself, and you're so talented with words. Thank you for writing this and congratulations on one year of your substack!
oh my goodness! it felt like i was reading an essay of my own experience with the first guy i have ever dated when I was 15, and quite literally the first in every emotional and sexual awakening.
like you, I met him late june of summer 2022. at this point, i am honestly convinced that everyone is bound to meet that one summer "love" we've confused for our lifetime partner when it's all just PURE LUST. he also wrote me paragraphs of SMUTS (why do they do this 😭) on the intimate things he'd want us to engage in (we never met irl, it was ldr, thank the heaven's!).
we only lasted for 2 months as well, he ended thing by the end of august, but for a reason of "focusing on studies." he offered to stay in touch with me, just be friends - and I told him these verbatim: "not when you already had names for our 'future' kids, no, you'll never have access to me again." — it was the best decision! because i found out he was still seeing his ex the ENTIRE time, and I didn't even know!
i just found out through a trending public post of a local bar in their area - a picture of him and his ex kissing each other, like french kiss and hands all over their body. 😭 then after 3 days of our separation, he already went back to that the same ex, only to break up after 3 weeks to post yearning poems about us.
so i say, GOOD RIDDANCE! it was a crazy first, but i'm so glad i went through it at an early stage of my life. I used to regret meeting him, and thinking maybe if i only started dating on my 20s, this catastrophic teenage love would've been avoided. however, upon reading this, I felt seen and comforted.
for the longest time, i cursed his name under every shooting stars, and blamed myself for his treatment and deceitful promises of eternity. but then i remember, i'm only human, and to experience life is to experience various emotions of not being limited to constant euphoria alone. and it's imperative to take note of a person's behavior towards you is just a projection of their values and upbringings, and has nothing to do with you.
however, i feel proud of myself i've come this far; if anyone would ask me about it, i wouldn't have to lie nor feel embarrassed i allowed such thing to happen. i can now admit with no stinged emotions that he was my first, that I got played (and learned better from it!), that i confused lust with love because this was all so new to me, i didn't got lucky with my first, and that's okay! if you found your person in your first try, good for you. and if you didn't, then more opportunities to meet other souls!
thank you so much for sharing this, please do not feel ashamed of this experience! I am delighted I stumbled upon your essay, and I am so glad you chose to publish this, because this is a good advice for a lot of teenagers rushing to experience teenage love, or adults who have yet to enter the dating pool wanting to explore new aspects in their life!
just reread this essay today because it's something that so deeply resonated with me the first time i read it that i had to come back to it! esp bc it's something that i've been feeling and thinking about a lot again lately. fellow late bloomer with a fear of intimacy here 🤝 - your writing is simultaneously vulnerable and comforting!! thank you for your writing 💓 & i'm wishing u better luck in future dating adventures, aswel as other life adventures of course!
Definitely advice that I wish I’d gotten from an older sister before I turned twenty. Thanks for this!
thank you! 💕🫶🏻
this is so brilliant! I relate to so much of this myself, and you're so talented with words. Thank you for writing this and congratulations on one year of your substack!
Thank you, I’m flattered! 🥰🫶🏻
thanks so much for being vulnerable with us, you’re making so much room to help us feel our way through these tragedies too ❤️
🥹🥹🥹thank you, this means so much to me! 🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
UGHHH I CANT GET ENOUGH OF YOUR WRITING
oh my goodness! it felt like i was reading an essay of my own experience with the first guy i have ever dated when I was 15, and quite literally the first in every emotional and sexual awakening.
like you, I met him late june of summer 2022. at this point, i am honestly convinced that everyone is bound to meet that one summer "love" we've confused for our lifetime partner when it's all just PURE LUST. he also wrote me paragraphs of SMUTS (why do they do this 😭) on the intimate things he'd want us to engage in (we never met irl, it was ldr, thank the heaven's!).
we only lasted for 2 months as well, he ended thing by the end of august, but for a reason of "focusing on studies." he offered to stay in touch with me, just be friends - and I told him these verbatim: "not when you already had names for our 'future' kids, no, you'll never have access to me again." — it was the best decision! because i found out he was still seeing his ex the ENTIRE time, and I didn't even know!
i just found out through a trending public post of a local bar in their area - a picture of him and his ex kissing each other, like french kiss and hands all over their body. 😭 then after 3 days of our separation, he already went back to that the same ex, only to break up after 3 weeks to post yearning poems about us.
so i say, GOOD RIDDANCE! it was a crazy first, but i'm so glad i went through it at an early stage of my life. I used to regret meeting him, and thinking maybe if i only started dating on my 20s, this catastrophic teenage love would've been avoided. however, upon reading this, I felt seen and comforted.
for the longest time, i cursed his name under every shooting stars, and blamed myself for his treatment and deceitful promises of eternity. but then i remember, i'm only human, and to experience life is to experience various emotions of not being limited to constant euphoria alone. and it's imperative to take note of a person's behavior towards you is just a projection of their values and upbringings, and has nothing to do with you.
however, i feel proud of myself i've come this far; if anyone would ask me about it, i wouldn't have to lie nor feel embarrassed i allowed such thing to happen. i can now admit with no stinged emotions that he was my first, that I got played (and learned better from it!), that i confused lust with love because this was all so new to me, i didn't got lucky with my first, and that's okay! if you found your person in your first try, good for you. and if you didn't, then more opportunities to meet other souls!
thank you so much for sharing this, please do not feel ashamed of this experience! I am delighted I stumbled upon your essay, and I am so glad you chose to publish this, because this is a good advice for a lot of teenagers rushing to experience teenage love, or adults who have yet to enter the dating pool wanting to explore new aspects in their life!
Thank you so so much for reading 🥹 so glad we learned from these boys!
Loved this 🫶🏾
Thank you! 🫶🏻
i am so grateful to have read this, being a late bloomer myself. what a beautiful essay you've written. 🤍
thank you so much! 💕😭 it’s so comforting to know how many of us are out there.
just reread this essay today because it's something that so deeply resonated with me the first time i read it that i had to come back to it! esp bc it's something that i've been feeling and thinking about a lot again lately. fellow late bloomer with a fear of intimacy here 🤝 - your writing is simultaneously vulnerable and comforting!! thank you for your writing 💓 & i'm wishing u better luck in future dating adventures, aswel as other life adventures of course!
omg you’re so sweet! this comment made me feel so warm, thank you so much! 💕 I wish you luck as well!