getting a dental crown freed me from beauty standards
broken teeth, broken dreams (but it's okay)
Like accidents do, it happened fast, and with no warning. On a late summer’s day in August, I was playing with a client of mine, Banksy, a pit bull terrier boxer mix and all-around Very Good Boy. Banksy was rescued from the street and is still adjusting to life as a house dog, so he gets anxious and likes to test people’s limits. Sitting on the floor at eye level with him, Banksy decided to get a little more hyper than allowed, so I tried to stand back up and reassert myself as his caretaker before he got aggressive. But as I was standing up, Banksy knocked his hard head into my mouth and just like that, half of my front tooth was on the floor.
My fingers flew up to my mouth, not from pain but from shock. As I felt the damage, my stomach dropped and my arms got a fuzzy feeling in them. Banksy meanwhile had decided I wasn’t a threat to him after all and went back to laying belly-up on the floor. It wasn’t his fault but I couldn’t help but be a little mad at him so I put space between us and walked to the bathroom to take a look at myself. I knew it wasn’t going to be pretty but when I saw the jagged lines of my damaged front tooth, that’s when I started to cry. The shock of the moment caught up to me as I rinsed my mouth out, tears mixing with water and spit down the drain.
Still crying, I turned around to search for the missing tooth; I knew it wouldn’t be like reattaching a finger but I was hoping for some miracle all the same (and I didn’t want the owner to find it). I found my tooth, put it in a tiny plastic baggy, and walked in circles from the bathroom to the kitchen to the living room to cry and release the pent-up adrenaline. Banksy followed me around, blissfully unaware. When it was time for me to leave, Banksy wanted a belly rub; who was I to deny him? As I said goodbye to him, my brain remembered something ironic that made me utter a dark laugh followed by a grimace: I wasn’t even originally going to take this job in the first place. Why, oh why didn’t I listen to myself the first time? Now my entire life was altered.
The only thing that kept me from freaking out completely was that I knew accidents like mine could be fixed. A boy in my youth choir broke his front teeth by falling onto a table in his hotel room on our trip to New Orleans. He went a whole week without fixing it because we were traveling and then a couple weeks later, all evidence of an accident had been erased from his mouth. He probably had a great dentist, though, and I, being on Medicaid, did not. Americans, you know the stress of finding a doctor who takes your insurance? That’s Medicaid but a hundred times worse. It’s underfunded, barely anywhere takes it, and the places that do either don’t take the plan you’re on, or they look kinda sketchy, or they’re hard to get in contact with. And this was an emergency. At least, I considered it to be. My best friend found me an emergency dentist with great reviews, bless her, and there I was in the waiting room a couple of hours after the accident.
I needed more work than I anticipated. The damage was so close to my root that I needed a root canal before getting a temporary crown and then finally my permanent one. I didn’t care what had to be done so long as it got done, although since this place didn’t take Medicaid, I had to pay out of pocket and that experience was more painful than anything the dentist could have done to me. Overall, my experience was great, though I was unfortunately attracted to the dentist; who wants to be attracted to the person poking and prodding around in your mouth for hours, seeing you at ungodly angles and dressed in your wrinkled “I’m just going to the dentist” clothes?
After my crown was placed I did what I do best: anxiously Google everything about it so I can be prepared for my new life with a fake tooth.
How long after getting a crown can I drink and eat?
Foods to avoid after getting a crown
How to know if your crown isn’t fitted properly
How long do crowns last?
What does it mean if my crown hurts?
How long after getting a crown can I bite normally?
Can I drink coffee with a crown?
What about Cherry Coke? I try to avoid most sodas but I’m weak for Cherry Coke
Can I really not eat granola, caramel, and sticky candies with a crown?
Seriously, not even if I chew on the opposite side really carefully?
I eat granola like every day, you’re telling me there’s no workaround?
So I just have to give up caramel apples and act like all is fine with the world?
I’ve always had those nightmares of my teeth rotting and falling out of my mouth and now I actually have good reason to be scared of that happening. Now for the rest of my life, I have to worry about my fake front tooth chipping, cracking, or falling off at any given moment. When I was googling what not to do with a crown, several results told me teeth whitening would be rendered useless because porcelain cannot absorb the whitening agent, so the crown would be mismatched from your surrounding teeth. Not that big of a deal if this was one of your back teeth, but mine is front and center. I got a free teeth whitening kit and had been planning to use it before this happened. When I learned it’s basically useless now, instead of feeling sad, I just…shrugged.
I’ve never liked my teeth. They’ve always been small, crooked, and yellow, even after using whitening toothpaste and a plethora of DIY recipes from the internet that probably do more harm than good. For as long as I can remember I’ve never smiled with my teeth, I always kept my mouth firmly closed in a tight-lipped pout that some would call very demure. Being a premature NICU baby, my adult teeth are smaller than average, and I even have one tooth missing because it grew on top of the tooth it was supposed to replace instead of waiting its turn. My teeth are uneven, my smile is uneven, and my bite is uneven. Because I haven’t always taken the best care of them, I can see where the plaque has eaten away at them and I sometimes bleed when I floss. I worry one wrong bite will chip my bottom teeth which already look weak in my anxious mind. I worry about what they’ll look like in 20 or 30 years, I have nightmares about early dentures.
My whole life, I thought I was good enough to pass for pretty as long as I kept my mouth closed, never letting anyone see the imperfections underneath. I always thought I’d feel better if I could just get my teeth fixed. Like many, I’ve dreamt of Invisalign and veneers. Every photo I saw, every video I watched, I’d analyze the person’s teeth and fantasize about what it must be like to have teeth like theirs. Even if their teeth weren’t “perfect” I’d still envy them if they were genetically blessed with better-looking teeth than mine. I jealously resented people born with perfect teeth. They didn’t know how lucky they were! Strong, healthy, white, beautiful teeth that can bite into anything and look at home in a Crest ad.
But the older I get the more I realize that sans a lucky few, those with perfect teeth have them because they have money. Their parents could afford braces, they never missed yearly cleanings, they could fix anything wrong with good insurance and a signature on a check. And this is none more so apparent than with celebrities. From influencers to reality stars to A-listers, when you reach a certain level of fame and exposure (and judgment), there comes the need to fix anything deemed imperfect in order to keep up appearances commonly associated with a certain lifestyle. Haaniyah Angus has a wonderful article for A Rabbit’s Foot, “Humanity erased: are veneers ruining Hollywood?” that touches on celeb cosmetic trends, “Instagram face” and more. From the celebrities on the carpet to actors in movies to social media stars, it feels like all we see are fake perfect teeth. When we’re not exposed to the broad spectrum of appearances that natural teeth provide, we feel the pressure building to conform or else face the possibility of being unattractive. And of course, this problem falls on women more than men. Not that men are never judged for their appearance or don’t run to the nearest cosmetic dentist, but just being on the internet for an hour will expose you to the myriad of ways women are picked apart for their appearance. We are held to a higher standard, a double standard; if we get cosmetic work done to appease people who judge us, we are then judged for getting the work done.
A couple of years ago I cringed at videos of people traveling to Turkey for cheap veneers1 (never mind what it cost to get there in the first place) only to have them fall out within days or weeks because the veneers were done in one day or they were actually receiving poorly-constructed crowns without their knowledge or consent. I used to judge these people harshly, lamenting about how stupid they were for falling for scams and not doing research. These people, who had no clinical reason for veneers, were getting their roots removed and having their relatively healthy teeth unnecessarily ruined. But then I thought, can I blame them? The cosmetic industry, be it makeup, skincare, plastic surgery, or dental work, has the smartest, most twisted marketing, thriving off of people’s insecurities. And social media has only emboldened them.
Because of the increasing pressure from social media to look as perfect as possible, these industries take advantage of desperate people, creating a vicious cycle with no regard for the emotional and physical damage done. Many of these people seeking veneers in the wrong places were left with nerve damage, rotting teeth, and infected gums, among other issues. Even if everything goes well, the costs of upkeep will follow them for life, canceling out the cheap upfront costs. While I did dream of veneers, I was also plagued with nightmares about what disastrous results would occur if I couldn’t afford their upkeep. Even if I could afford it, now the thought of having to rely on something artificial every day to survive would freak me out. I just can’t ignore that those shiny perfect things will never be attached to me the same way my real teeth are, they don’t have roots, they’re not a part of me.
But now I do have to face this fear, on a much smaller scale, granted, but all the same still. Talking to a few people about it made me realize that more people have had clinical dental work done than I ever thought. As of 2022, 15 million Americans have had dental crowns for restorative purposes. Far more people are walking around with imperfect teeth than without. Getting this procedure done has made me appreciate the teeth I have more. They can bite into apples and rip apart tough meat and chew chocolatey caramel candy to my heart’s content. Ever since the procedure I’ve been more diligent about my dental health than ever before. I don’t want to be put in a position again where I have to get fake teeth if I can help it. I’m not saying I suddenly love my teeth and will never get cosmetic work done; holding myself to that standard would be ridiculous. Now, I’m trying to find a comfortable space in the middle. I think we need to extend the body neutrality movement to teeth. They’re functional and necessary for survival. But beyond that, natural, imperfect teeth can be beautiful too. Could you imagine Amy Winehouse without her iconic front tooth gap? Hayley Williams even got a tattoo to honor her gap teeth, which have since “closed naturally”, something I’m not qualified to speculate on.
Our natural teeth give us character, make us unique from one another, tell stories about us. They are one of the most prominent features that mark a genetic heritage, stating where we come from and boasting that generations of people with the same smile as us have still managed to find love despite perceived imperfections. In an interview for Bustle, America’s Awkward Sweetheart Ayo Edebiri talked about not wanting to change her appearance, including her teeth, stating:
“This is the first time in my life where I love how I look,” Edebiri says. “I love my skin, I love my teeth, I love my eyes.” Though her dentist has implored her to get Invisalign, she says, “I'm not allowed to. I won't allow myself to. I don't want to, I want to look like myself. I want to look like my parents, I want to look like my family. I want to look like Black people who are from Boston.”
When I was at the dentist, he suggested braces in the future and asked how concerned I was about aesthetics when fitting the crown. I immediately told him that I wasn’t concerned about aesthetics, I just wanted a tooth that wasn’t half gone anymore. Obviously, the dentist did his best to make the tooth look good and natural, but using this opportunity to cosmetically improve anything never even crossed my mind. Staring at the whitening kit I can no longer use, it almost feels like a weight’s been lifted. If teeth that aren’t perfectly white and are a bit crooked are all I have to worry about, I consider myself lucky.
Thanks for reading! I wasn’t going to post this until after the special piece I’m planning was published, but as per usual, it’s taking me longer than planned to finish it, so I thought posting this now would help bridge the gap, pun intended.
In the meantime…
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Important to note that obviously Turkey has many reputable dentists and you can find bad doctors and scams anywhere
literally read this as my wisdom tooth continues to grow and is probably messing my entire mouth up. had to reschedule my (second!) consultation appointment with (a second!) doctor so I can't get solid info about surgery until the end of october. the first doctor told me my bottom ones are situated on nerve endings so there's a chance my face could go numb forever if I get them removed 🙃 needed to get another opinion due to my horror. lol. anyway! too much info to overshare but just want to let you know i see you and feel for you, dental issues SUCK
I am so so glad that you wrote about this. I loved every second of it, especially because you detail exact thoughts and feelings I've had/have. I've also been thinking about writing something very similar.
About 2 years ago now, I had my teeth straightened with invisalign because the dentist had been imploring me to do it for years and finally I got to a point where I was too insecure to even smile. While I'm grateful for my now straight teeth and think it was a good idea for me to do it because it really helped me with my overall mouth health, I do miss my old teeth.
I love what Ayo Edebiri said about her teeth connecting her to her family and who she is. I miss mine for the same reason and now I can't help but notice when friends and others have a crooked tooth or a gap because love how it's a part what makes them uniquely themselves. I think that's always something to consider. These little nuances/"imperfections" are greatly treasured by our loved ones.