hot girls rot in bed on sundays
the sanctimony of rot girl winter and my 2024 ins/outs
Towards the end of 2023, I intentionally developed a habit of turning my phone off on Sundays and spending the entire day in bed reading, eating, and watching films. Sometimes this habit would be broken because I needed to run an errand, there was a household task that needed doing, or I wasn’t home at all. But for the most part, I dedicated myself to rest and disconnection in the same way I used to go to church every Sunday. My bed has become my sanctuary, my routine has become my religious practice. The latte I sip on is my sacramental wine, the bagel I nibble on is my wafer, and the book I’m reading is my Bible, offering me comfort and wisdom with every page. My phone is turned off so as not to disturb worship.
For multiple reasons, I’ve been in bed a lot more than usual for the past month. Whether reading, doom-scrolling, watching YouTube videos, sleeping, or most recently, binge-watching The Sopranos (which I cannot shut up about), most of my life has taken place underneath the covers as of late. It’s hibernation season; my desire to do anything beyond going to the grocery store has waxed and waned. As the new year was approaching, I took as much time for myself as I wanted, conscious of the fact that nobody does anything productive this time of year, and when 2024 comes, I’ll hit the ground running on the goals I’ve been setting for myself year after year. The closer that 2024 came, the more aware I became that it would actually be time to start getting to work, and that scared me because change and progress are scary. I’ve talked about how upsetting it was to see everyone posting about their happiest moments of 2023 but on the other end of the spectrum, I’ve seen more people discard the concept of New Year’s resolutions and embrace imperfection, messiness, laziness, and slow progress.
It’s funny how January 1st fell on a Monday this year. It could’ve symbolized the perfect start to a year that Means Business. Instead of entering the year with a day planner and dangerous levels of caffeine like an employee marching into the office, people have chosen to sleep in. They’re running a little late and might order a latte on the way since they’ll be late to the office anyway. I like this approach better. It’s refreshing to see people reject the pressures of instantaneous self-improvement. In recent years I haven’t put too much stock into resolutions. I’ve made them, but with the awareness that the change I want isn’t going to happen overnight. I used to love them, though. I think it started back in middle school. I’d always plan to come back to school from winter break a new person–in reality, I was just downloading new personality traits from the movies I’d watched over break. But the same sentiment was there: new year, new me. But as I get older and I grow into myself more and like myself more, I put less emphasis on creating a “new me” and more emphasis on working on the parts of myself that could use a little extra love, a little extra care, and attention. Some of these parts of myself probably need a lot of it, I’m not going to lie.
And even though I’m aware that I fall into habits of bed-rotting that tend to be self-destructive, the other side of it is that this is something I need. This is one way I show myself love and care. I’m not claiming to be the busiest person alive. That couldn’t be further from the truth. I have a lot of free time and that’s one of the reasons why I beat myself up so much when I don’t spend the majority of my days working on my goals. Because some of these goals I have are pretty fucking important. Like, I-need-to-do-this-to-survive important. And I’ve been able to put them off for so long because I’m in a place of comfort as well as stasis. Where I can procrastinate and tell myself I’ll try again tomorrow as I pull the covers over my head.
I saw someone on Instagram make a comment that the concept of New Year’s resolutions only exists to keep the economy running in January. Makes sense. Make a resolution to work out and eat healthier, you spend money on gyms and healthy groceries and predatory weight loss apps (I’m looking at you, Noom!). Make a resolution to write a book or start a business or quit smoking, all of these things cost money to do, even the quitting smoking because you’ll be buying nicotine patches or gum or whatever else to replace the smoking. Resolutions aren’t total bullshit but nobody improves in a snap the way they make it seem. Change happens little by little, and then all at once.
Last winter, I rotted in bed and isolated myself because I needed to heal. Like, big time. Like, some days I physically couldn’t get out of bed. I wrote about how I viewed it as my hibernation, something I needed to do for survival that also kind of made me feel worse. I think about how bad I’ve felt this winter and then remember how much worse I was last winter and suddenly I don’t feel that bad anymore. I feel thankful, even. I have progressed. I have changed. I still have a lot of work to do and am trying to remain conscious of not letting myself use winter laziness as an excuse to put off things I need to do. Maybe it’s time I stop viewing my winter bed-rotting as hibernation and start viewing it as my endless Sunday. Because I can still work on my goals little by little and then come back to my sanctuary for a spiritual cleanse.
my 2024 ins and outs
IN
separating ego from everything I do
russian literature
skill building
embracing imperfection
self-discipline (but being gentle about it!)
post on social media then dip
phone off on sundays
writing that damn novel
OUT
referring to myself as a “twenty-something teenage girl” - girl, grow up!!!!!
mindless phone scrolling, unless i’m doing it to avoid eye contact with creepy men, in which case it’s for survival
holding myself back
caring about how i’m perceived (as long as I’m happy with myself)
breaking my boundaries for the comfort of others
rumination
Thanks for reading! For a similar post about winter hibernation, check out my essay, “Hibernation and the Introvert.” If you’re interested, I also wrote a post about the disappointment of feeling like you don’t have any huge happy moments to share at the end of the year, “was 2023 happy?”
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Happy 2024!
this is definitely in my top 10 in/out lists that I've seen for 2024…say NO to rumination, YES to self-discipline and literary pursuits!!
👏👏 you said everything I've been thinking and feeling lately. I absolutely love this message.
The week between Christmas and New Year's, I couldn't stop thinking about all the things I should be doing, but I'd then remember that that last week of the year is basically a "dead week" and then go straight back to watching Sex and the City or whatever lol. So I really really feel you.
I think embracing messiness is so important because we can't expect ourselves to be perfect all the time. And who tf wants to be perfect all the time. I mean how boring lol. But I'm also learning to be okay with being imperfect with the effort that I do put in, which is really helpful for getting myself to actually do the thing without putting enormous pressure to do it absolutely perfectly. Cuz then I don't do it lol.
In love with this post. <3 Also love the idea of turning everything off on Sundays. I've been trying to do something similar, but after 6pm. I'm trying not to go on my phone so that I can get back into reading more, release, and relax for the night.